Sometimes there is absolutely nothing more eloquent than swearing. This is one of those times.
In short, this whole game is a bit of a head fcuk really, isn’t it? The arrival of the brace has allowed me to try a few new things over the last few months - including adding some (wait for it) impact(!) at the gym and even going wall climbing with a good friend. While I can often feel the knee slipping around a bit, it hasn’t actually given way fully for a couple of years, so I’ve been quietly hopeful of getting past this boring ‘no impact, no twisting, nothing more strenuous than walking on the flat’ (give or take the odd bit of running) stage that has been going on for too many years now.
So to say I’m pretty narked to be typing this from holiday in Dorset with ice on my knee and ankle AGAIN is something of an understatement.
We’ve had a good few days with the kids and some of our friends on the beach, fossil hunting and walking along the coast path. I LOVE being by the sea and felt the fittest I’ve been for ages up on the cliffs, walking headlong into the breeze and feeling my skin and heart come alive. I’ve been careful on the slippy ammonite floors at low tide and caught myself looking at some of the more stoney beach areas and happily reflecting on progress made that I can be on those surfaces without worrying too much about the knee giving way. I’ve even survived a walk through a muddy, uneven, stone-strewn holloway without wearing the brace.
And then, two days ago, walking (braceless) down a very short grass bank back to a car park, my 'good leg' slipped on some mud. The ACL leg took all the weight instead, popped fully in and out of joint as I went down, and sent me rolling over my ankle for good measure. FFS!
Were the muscles around my knee tired from all the uneven surfaces and increased activity? Maybe. Did I just slip on mud and was unlucky? Maybe. Whatever the reasons, the sense of déjà vu is overwhelming.
Looking on the funny side - and fully on theme with this post - I should point out that the youngest is learning to spell by breaking down words phonetically and it’s safe to say he now knows how to spell a rather rude word that rhymes with duck. "Mummy, the ck sound goes at the end, doesn't it?!" Yes son, yes it does 😂
Seeking positives, it looks as though the Macintosh fix has largely done its job holding my leg together once more and there are worse views to drink in while you sit with ice on your joints. But I am SO fed up to be here AGAIN.
On the downside, my whole lower leg - from IT band down to ankle and upper foot - has been shaken around once more and is feeling rather sorry for itself. And while pirate chic may be de rigeur at the coast, I’m not finding it remotely funny to be trying to walk around again, looking like I have a wooden leg and struggling with slopes or steps while I wait for it to settle. Needing a brace to begin ramping things up a level activity wise was one thing, needing it just to do the most basic day-to-day things was NOT in the plan.
All of which has got me contemplating the option of second opinions and last attempts to see if there’s anything that can be done to fix this pesky ligament once and for all. A third-time-lucky roll of the dice that might be grim but worth it if it actually worked (and without messing up the joint too much more if we ever enter U-/TKR territory)? It’s something I’d pretty much accepted I wouldn’t pursue any further. Many worse things happen at sea, as the saying goes, but by heck this is beyond frustrating and who knows where that frustration may take me….
In the meantime, here are some fossils.
As one of our friends pondered while collecting them with the kids on the beach: "Isn't it mad that the sun in the sky right now is the same one that was there when these now-fossilised creatures were alive and swimming around on earth?"
Yes, yes it is. We are all nothing but star dust, after all.
Comments